Q. What is made from onions and baked beans?
A. Tear gas
Q. When does a raisin go out with a prune?
A. When it can't find a date.
Q. Who does the hamburger go out with?
A. Patty
Q. What's better, a hot dog or a hamburger?
A. Definitely hamburgers. Hot dogs are the wurst.
Q. What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
A. Close the door. I'm dressing.
Q. Are winter puns cold fashioned?
A. Not at all. But they're snow joke.
Q. Why did she break up with the meteorologist?
A. It was a stormy relationship from the start.
Q. What did you think about your date with the snowman?
A. Chilly personality; really an absolute zero.
Q. What did the one tornado say to the other?
A. Let's twist again like we did last summer.
Q. Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A. Because she expected some change in the weather.
Q. What's the difference between weather and climate?
A. You can't weather a tree, but you can climate.
Q. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A. You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
Q. What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
A. I have my eye on you.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.
Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A. It's good for the bones.
Q. What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap.
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. Because he didn't have a haunting license.
Q. How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern?
A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. What does a pumpkin say after a big meal?
A. That was filling.
Q. What does a pumpkin say after dessert?
A. Good pie.
Q. What is the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A. Pumpkin Pi.
Q. Why do so many jack-o-lanterns have stupid smiles?
A. If all of your brains were carved out, you would have a stupid smile too.
"What is Pi?"
A mathematician: "Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter."
A computer programmer: "Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision."
A physicist: "Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005."
An engineer: "Pi is about 22/7."
A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!"
A physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The physicist chose the fire, which gave humanity the power over matter. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes - so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle - how does it know?"
